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May. 1st, 2004 @ 06:20 pm undate on life
school is almost over.. my big whomping birthday is almost here.. and once again the flame of my faith is not in sight. things are ok with tif, and i am still looking for a summer job. tonight my brother, sister, and mother are grilling out for me at kevin's house.. and anyone is invited.. last night i had a dream about it though.. that noone else showed up, and it was just my family. i am pretty sure i ran somebody over in my jeep too.. but that is a little grey. i am sick of working on these stupid papers.. and goodie. once i finish them i get to study, and sweet once i get $$ i can pay rent (looks like everything i get for my birthday is going towards rent this year.. how fun). i am just sick of a lot of stuff right now, and i a probably saying good-bye to posting (and reading other peoples post) on livejournal for a little bit. well, until my attitude changes.. i say good-bye
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Apr. 27th, 2004 @ 01:53 am (no subject)

Take the test, by Emily.

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Apr. 16th, 2004 @ 02:48 pm (no subject)
well.. everything is winding up for school, and with that everything with tif seems to be winding up as well... and it sucks.
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Mar. 30th, 2004 @ 03:13 am .
Current Mood: aggravated
Current Music: george clinton and P-Funk - chocolate city
some of us went over to get some midnight snacks.. and that was awesome. both the girls working there hit on me, and what is worse.. is that i didn't even really notice it. my friend clay was the one who said something to me... he said one was 'looking at me that way' and i was like 'oh really? cool'. i am a str8 pimp.. for Jesus :)

ah.. gotta figure out this show nonsense for tomorrow.
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Mar. 26th, 2004 @ 03:21 am ultimate friday
Current Mood: frustrated
Current Music: beautiful mistake - wide eyes
hmm... all this thinking about whether or not i am going to try and go to the 'from autumn to ashes', 'hopesfall', and 'most prescious blood' show next tuesday up in cinci. i really really want to go, but i would be going alone... and i would be taking the wrangler. it isn't the most 'highway friendly' vehicle out there. i can't wait for summer to get here.. i am [hopefully] going to score a job at HomeDepot that i can work as a day job.. and then deliver for LA gourmet pizza on some nights. i am also in the process of filling out an application to be on staff at the Wesley Foundation.. that is the building where i live. it is a ton of potential to be really frickin' awesome. and i have had it on my heart for some time now to apply for a staff position. i was/am just never sure if it is me who wants this or if this is a God thing. so, i figure.. i apply, and if i don't get it.. than that means it was just a desire i had, but if i do get it.. then it is something God wants me to do. this saturday is going to mean that i have been with tif for two months... crazy huh? and to think that her and i haven't ever really argued about anything.. and we have never fought. i argue with myself more than that. well, she is a super spectacular girl :) i need to get work done this weekend.. gah.. and figure out about this show on tuesday. if i go.. then i go by myself [which really isn't that big of a deal]... i will get to see two bands that i favor above most others [you could call FATA one of my favorite bands and not being lying]... i would be missing a class i have tuesday night.. and probably the most important factor would be that i have that class with tif.. and we tend to always hang out on tuesdays.. and i really don't want to be 'leaving her'. i guess if she would just have said she would go.. that would be it.. screw class. but she isn't.. and now i have to decide for myself. *sigh* next friday and saturday [april 2 and 3] i am in an ultimate frisbee tournament.. and my team is going to kick some major ace. i get some sweet pictures taken, and put them somewhere so that all you lovely FLL people can see me in action :) ... i am still working on the pete pictures.. the camera i borrowed.. the girl wanted it back, and she hasn't given me a disk with my pictures yet :(

enough for now.. hmmm.. show or no show? *sigh*
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Mar. 22nd, 2004 @ 03:27 am spring break accomplished
Current Mood: chipper
Current Music: george clinton and P-Funk - freak of the week
after a week of no-school. i am spent. the main event of the whole week was this past friday i went camping with some people (matt, josh, eli, mattO, jason, karin, obed, and steve) it was a pretty good time. tomorrow i am going to be giving the 'home depot' a call to see if i am going to be getting hired or not (hopefully i can get hired, and my schedule works out just fine).. so please pray for that (whomever of you pray that read this). and speaking of prayer.. i have been 'dillie-dalling' around with my faith, and i need to quit. i haven't been taking it very seriously lately and it shows. tomorrow i am going to stop these stupid grudges i have with a couple people, and just put all the trivial stuff behind me. i need to gets things sorted out with my friend chris, it justs sucks a lot between us sometimes.. we can just act like stupid middle-school girls sometimes, and i don't want to let myself be this way forevermore. night readers. hehe.. my mood is 'chipper'
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Mar. 14th, 2004 @ 04:34 am non-sensical thoughts
Current Mood: contemplative
Current Music: hot water music - drunken third
tif, sorry but this is about you, so please use some discretion when reading this hun...

tonight had to be one of the worst times i have had with tif, and i don't really understnad why it was. i guess everything was really ripe for us to finally have a 'bad night' together. been something like 6 weeks, and we haven't ever really argued about anything, and been really pissed at each other. i really F'ed up big time last night... but once again tif wasn't pissed. just a litte 'disappointed' (which is much much worse), and i really don't want to walk down this road anytime soon (which is great). tif has recently (well recently to my knowledge) started up talking with her old boyfriend, and that is great. i am really happy that was mended, or is at least still being mended. although her and i have talked about this before, adn i really want to believe it... i can't help but feel so much like i was just a 'rebound-guy' and that is the only reason things between her and i started. the thought of that just tears me up inside, so i try to just push it right on outside of me and my thoughts.. but the thought just still seems to be somewhere. followign that thought very closely is if i am just this rebound guy.. what is going to keep her with me and not going back into the arms of her X. but i am not a jealous guy.. well, not a serious one. so it takes so much of me to not let myself feel jealous of him, and when she hangs out with him. i just tell myself that whether i get jealous or not, it won't make a difference whether she leaves or stays. so i swallow all that.. a rather large pill i might add. *sigh* tonight though... something was different.. something was really 'off' about her. oh-well, probably nothing.. i'll just blow it off as long as i don't get this 'vibe' tomorrow. come to think of it... she didn't walk me to the door, or even move when i was leaving. huh.. that's kinda wierd, seeing as she always makes a big deal about making sure she walks me to the door, or has me make sure she is to asleep to remember not doing it. .... i guess there is a lot to think about when everything is taken into account. gosh, i just never realized there was this much. *long sigh* i need to read/pray and then head to sleep so i will be able to wake up tomorrow for church! no sense to stay up any longer and begin to worry about this nonsense. i'm sure it is just both of us having an 'off' day with each other... just a bunch of trivial crap is all.

FLL boys.. you are in my prayers, please be so kind as to keep me in yours as i am in a fragile place with my faith
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Mar. 13th, 2004 @ 02:51 am woot! spring break is here
Current Mood: tired
Current Music: coheed and cambria - everything evil
after a much wanted time by not only myself.. spring break has come for the campus of UK and it is loved. the day of being released and it was great.. 90 percent of students are gone, and it makes living here so close to campus seem just plain dead. it is great. hopefully i will be able to find a job that i will also be able to work thru summer and making 'buca buca'. the past week i got my first cell phone, and it rocks. if any of you FLL people want my number please just gimme an im and i'll give it to ya. not that we would ever talk.. but at least you will have it if any of you ever need someone super-duper special to talk to :) recently i have been talking a lot with chris, josh, and matt.. and it is great. i am so glad that i have been able to work on my friendships with them so much lately. i also have joined an accountablity group with my brothers best friend jamie (he is kinda like a brother to me cause of his friendship with my brother), and it is going really well. i look up to him quite a lot. i have also been missing you fellows down in FLL more than i usually do.. earlier this week i watched one of the old FSF videos with Tif.. and it showed them outside 'freeze' (you know the club place right next to pine crest.. where sam and i saw 'white out'.. 'don't you mean fear of understanding'... 'don't you mean they suck'). and i wasn't crying.. but my eyes wouldn't stop watering up for some time after that. all i could think of was all you guys down there. i really love you guys a lot.... speaking of tif though......
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Mar. 3rd, 2004 @ 03:51 am morons who 'rock the boat'
Current Mood: excited
it is really easy to spot people who seem to go way far out of their way jus tto rock the boat.. and create chaos around them. then they just put this really idiotic face on like 'what happened? why is everyone pissed at me?? what did i do?' gosh... i really can't stand people like that. screw them though.. tif knows that i am here, and she is convinced that i make her days better when she is with me. whether that be true or not.. i know that i put a smile on her face, and that is all i ask for. i have also been thinking that... because she is a christian.. and so am i... and God is focus of our relationship.. when we are kissing.. doesn't that mean we are 'worshiping God' :)

side note... for all you FLL people... this thursday i am driving up to Cincie to see the tooth and nail show :) but beforehand i am going to drive to pete's house and him, jostlen, caleb (i think), tif, and i are going to dinner !!!! i am so frickin' excited about that!!!! that is going to be a great night. i shoudl probably get a camera so i can get some pictures of pete and i.. and tif and i.. and jostlen and i! SWEEET!!!!! i will get a camera tomorrow.. and then i'll put the pictures online so all you FLLians can see 'em. well.. night!
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Feb. 27th, 2004 @ 01:50 am earlier life
Current Mood: thankful
Current Music: darkest hour - broken wings
man.. just the thought of being able to lay mine eyes on FLL once again would be so bittersweet. it isn't so much the town as it is my friends, high school, and my church. this past week has got me thinking so much about home down there, and a couple times i have had to catch my breath. just thinking of hugging sam, ryan (either of them), andrew, and/or will makes my eyes get a little waterie. i really love those guys.. no offense to ryan M or andrew... cause my heart goes out for you two.. but what i got with will, sam, and ryan T is something so deep that to just even think about seeing them shakes my innner foundation. we had a ton of great times, and AL has helped shape my life more than anything else has. i know for a fact that i will see those guys again.. i don't konw how or for what.. but i will see ryan (both), will, sam, andrew, jesse, and mike sometime in the future. if the latest plans for spring break down in florida fall through.. i think i might just talk to pete and bobby and just see if i could spend the week up there with them. i really miss pete too. one of the bad things about heading down to FLL would be all that stupid dust that would get into all our eyes.. like when i got dropped off at the airport for the last time and a huge dust cloud came over will's van and watered all our eyes. heh... one day guys.. we will see each other again, and it will be wonderful. we can go out fwak'n till the sunrises, and then watch old episodes of ed, edd, and eddy.... *dust flys into my eyes* gosh darn this dust.. pfft.. it is everywhere. i love you guys, and i cherish all that times we spend together... playing indoor football, sleeping together by a fireplace on the ski-trip, in AL, playing magic, going to shows, calling my mom a racist, making fun of ryan and tickling him till he looked like he was going to puke, getting my head slammed in will's van door, smoking cheap cigars and playing 10 cent bingo when i turned 18, talking about making a life size picture of jesse for when he missed AL, seeing sam's face when he realized i had my arm around emily at 'collateral damage' on feb 14th, telling my mom that we were going to buy some condoms for sex and then do drugs till i died, southeast florida boys punk rock chrysalis flight #1 (aka #26), making fun of edsle by saying he 'was' dilbert, talking about how hot megan was (will's best friend who worked at subway), playing many fun games (like soccer, football, and stomp) with the book of mormon on that 'retreat' to the convention center for that confrence thingie, the 'DAY OF FASTING' where we sang 'cheeseburger in paradise' as a worship song, leading youth grounp that one night, eating jostlin's 'cookie goop', bible study at pete's, yelling 'yarp' during school at each other, the water balloon fights on night of joy, hitting on leslie (really hot punk chic from chrysalis) 'God bless you, and God bless you, and God blessssss you'... this could just go on and on.. but all this in my past equals love for all of you. deep love, and i would do anything for any of you all.. you're my boys. i love you sam, i love you ryan, i love you (other) ryan, i love you andrew, and i looove you will *more dust gets into my eyes*
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